Diary of a Minecraft Zombie is a must-read for any kid who loves Minecraft. Kids ages 7+ can't wait to jump into to these Minecraft Zombie adventures!
Great Minecraft Books for Kids age 5-7 , 6-8 , 8-10 , 9-12 , also perfect Minecraft kids books for ages 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12 and older.
If you're looking for books for 8 year old boys and girls, or Minecraft kids books ages 9 12 , these Minecraft zombie books are great to motivate them to enjoy reading.
Diary of a Minecraft Zombie: Zombie Swap
2.0
Quiz number: 181807
Table of Contents
SUNday
Monday
Tuesday
morning
Tuesday
night
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
Saturday
Sunday
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
Saturday
Sunday
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
Saturday
Sunday
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
FridayNight
SaturdayMorning
SaturdayNight
ReallyLateSaturdaynight
Sunday
Findoutwhathappens
next!
Copyright ©2015Zack ZombiePublishing LLC
All rights reserved. No part ofthispublicationmay be reproduced, distributed,or transmitted inany formor by anymeans, electronicor mechanical,including photocopying,recording,scanning,or by anyinformationstorageor retrievalsystem, withouttheprior written permissionof the publisher,exceptinthecaseofbrief quotationsembodiedin criticalreviews and certain other non-commercialuses permittedbycopyright law.
This unofficialnovelis an original work offanfictionwhichisnotsanctioned nor approved by the makers ofMinecraft. Minecraftisaregistered trademarkof, and ownedby, Mojang Synergies AB, and its respective owners,whichdo not sponsor, authorize,or endorse thisbook. All characters,names,places,andotheraspectsof thegame describedherein aretrademarkedand ownedbytheirrespectiveowners. Minecraft®/TM& ©2009-2016 Mojang.
SUNDAY
Cock-a-doodle-doo! “Wake up,sleepyhead, it’s timetoriseand shine!” “Urrggghhhwwhuzzat?” “Isaid, it’s morningandtimeforyou togetup.” Morning? DidmyparentsforgetthatZombiesburn inthedaylight? “Mom,that’snotfunny,I’m tryingto sleep.” “Whoareyou callingMom?” “Wha…?!!” Oh Man!Itwasn’ta dream. Ireallydid swap bodieswithSteve! Nowthis villageristrying togetme out ofbed earlyinthemorning, andIbetterplayalongso Iwon’tgivemyselfaway.
“Hey, there…uh…Mr. Villager. What’sgoing on…er…inyourvillager
life?” Isaid. “What’sthematterwithyou, Steve?Did yougetbitbyaZombieor something?”
“He,he… That’srealfunny,bro… He,he.” “Man, you’reactingreallyweird thismorning,” hesaid.Somuch for myactingskills.
Steveforthenext fewweeksuntilthe FULL MOON. That’swhenthe Swamp Witchthatcanswitchour bodiesbackwill comehome.
Ijusthaveto rememberwhatStevetoldme.
Ithink he toldmethat toblendinwith the humans, I justhadtostick with thebasics… “Humans aresimple,” Stevesaid. “As longasyoudowhattheydo,you’ll
fitrightin.” So,whatdoesStevedoallday? Letmesee… Iknowthathelikesmining, farming, andpunching trees. I guess aslongas
Ido those threethings,Ishould FIT RIGHT IN. Buthow am Igoingto learn howtodo anyof thosethings? I’venever done them before!
Then arayofsunshinecame intomyroom. AtfirstIfreakedoutbecauseIthoughtmyskin wouldfrylike bacon. Butthen I realizedthat beingStevehasitsperks. Idon’thavetobe afraidof
thedaylightanymore! So,first thing Ididwasgooutintotheopenfield totakeinalloftheItfeltreally good onmy faceandbody, but itwasalittletoo bright.
Iwasableto seeall ofthefields,andthetrees, andthelake…Ijustrealized thatIcouldjumpinthewaterand swim! Normally,Zombiesavoidwater liketheplague. Butnow,I cangoinwater likealltheotherhumans. Sothe nextthingIdidwasrunto thelake. Iclimbedareallybigtreeand…SSSPPPLLLAAASSSHHHH!
Didn’tlast longinthewaterthough. Forsomereason Ithoughthumanscouldbreatheunderwater…
COUGH, Laterthatevening I went togovisit Steveatour usual spot. Icouldnotbelievemyeyes! Only onedayinto it,andStevewasalreadyrockin’ theZombielife.Steve rockingtheZombie life!
“Howwas yourfirstdayofZombielife?” I askedhim.
“Aw,Bro,Zombielifeisreallycool!” Stevesaid. “Icouldreally get usedto this.” “Really?I thought being aZombiereally stinks.”
“Well,thesmellis PEAD,
but Ithink I’vegottenused toitby
now,” Stevesaid. “Howaboutyou?How’s itgoinglivingmy old boringlife?Haveyou met those crazyvillagers yet?”
“Yeah, what’supwith that?” Isaid. “Ithoughtyou lived withyourparents.” “Well,youwouldn’tbelievethis,butI don’tknowwhereI’mfrom,” Steve said. “I’velivedwith thevillagersallmylife. I’veneverevenmetmy parents.”
“Didn’tyouask the villagerswhereyou’re from?” I askedSteve.
“Ididask them,” Stevesaid. “Theyjustsaidthatone dayIwokeintheir bed,andtheyhaveno ideawhereIcamefrom.”“There’sa lotofotherstuffthat’sgonnaweirdyouout,just wait.” “Likewhat?” “You’llsee,” Stevesaid. Then wewent ourseparateways. Man,Inever lookedthatcoolwhen Iwasa Zombie. Howdoeshedothat?
As soonasIgothome,one ofthevillagerssaid, “Whoa,youstink. You
you. Yousmelllikeyouwerewrestling withaZombie.” Iactuallylikedsmelling likemyoldself again. Sothe villagerhandedmeabarofwhathecalled “SO-AP,” andhandedme
somethingcalleda “TA-WOOL,” andthen hetoldmetogotakesomething calleda “SHA-WUR.” Hepointedmetoaplacecalledthe “BA-FROOM.” Man,Iwasgetting ZY
justtryingto rememberitall.
As I walked intotheBA-FROOM,Iwalkedpastthemirror andIhad todo adouble-take.Igotachancetoseemyface,andboywasitweird.
Ihadeyeballs,a nose,ears, andIhad skineverywhere. Ialso hadbitsof
haironmychin. Then Iopenedmymouthandsawthat Ihadlike a MILLION TEETH! I lookedlikeashark. Whoa. WhatdoesStevedowithalloftheseteeth,anyway?
Iwonderifhumansreallydo eatZombies,likeinthemovies.
MaybeI couldpracticebeinglikeSteve. So Itried making different faces…Man,Idon’t knowifI’llbeabletopullitoff. But I’mgoingto try. SoafterI tookmySHA-WUR,Iwenttobed.
ButIhadahard timesleeping becauseof mywetclothes.MONDAY
“Steve,hurryup,or you’regoingtobelateforschool,” thevillager said. Oh Man!Stevenevermentionedanythingaboutschool!
Imean,what do I wear?HowdoIact?WhatdoIsaytotheotherkids?
Willtheyevenlikeme?Whatif theyfindoutI’mreally aZombieina Stevemeatsuit? Man,I’veonlybeena humanfortwodays andmylifeisalreadyfilledwith
Ilooked inthecloset for clothes towearand I couldn’tfindany.
Ilooked inthedrawers andfoundhehadabunchofthesameshirtsanda bunchofthesamepants. Man,IthoughtonlyZombies did that. SoI grabbedashirtandpairof pants toputon. Ihadahardtimeputting them onuntilthevillager walkedinonme. “Are youtryingtoputonnew clothesontopofyouroldclothes?” the
villagersaid. “Youactlikeyou’veneverwornclothesbefore.”
Afterhe walked outofthe room Itookoffmyoldclothes, andIcouldn’t believe what Isaw… Steve’s SK
totallycovered his body!
He didn’thaveany holes,orpatcheswherehisgutshungout.Youcouldn’treachinand playwithhisstomach,orhisintestines,orhis spine,likeIcoulddowith myZombiebody. Man,thisisweird,Ithought. Then Ithrewonsomeclothesandwenttoschool.
Therewerevillagers all overtheplace.
Villagersin blackrobes, villagersinwhiterobes,villagersinpurple robes, andmore. Itwas crazy!
It’sagoodthingthattheschoolwas inthevillage. Itwas realeasyto find. ButIthoughtthevillagewascrazy. Schoolwasevencrazier! Therewereallkindsofkidsinthisplace. There were skinnyones, fat ones,
tallones,and short ones. Andthesekidsweren’twearing robes;theywerewearingallkindsof
CRAZY CLOTHES.
Onekidlookedlikehewaswearingaporcupine on his head. Onegirllookedlike sheused herface asa canvas for painting. Andtherewerea bunchofotherkidsthatwerealmostasbigasMutant, but
theyhad skinonthem. Ithinktheysaidthey playeda gamecalledFOOTÂ
BALL.Ieven sawaZombie atschool! Buthe hadmoremeatonhimthantheusuallivingdead. MaybeinSteve’sworldZombieseattonsofcake.
Human Zombies?
Theweirdest thing Isawwas thatallthekids hung out withjust the kids thatlookedlikethem. Thiswasreallydifferentfrommy MOB SCHOOL back home. Allthemobsatmy schoolhangoutwithdifferentmobkidsallthetime. That’swhy me, Skelee,Slimey,andCreepyarebestfriends.
Buthere,humans act reallyweird. Ithink I’mgoingtogo homeearlytoday…
TUESDAY MORNING
Iwasreally weirdedoutbywhatIsaw yesterday. Imean,all those humansinoneplacegavemethe CREEPS. Notto mention, thesmell! Notonekidsmelled likerottenflesh,orstale mucus,or moldygymsocks. Except for onekid…whosmelledlike allthree. Ireallylikedhim.
But, Idecidedthat today, Iwasgoingtogetthroughit. Imean,Steveisprobablyhavingatoughtimetoo. BeingaZombieisreallyhard,youknow. Especially tryingtokeepupwith
the COOL LIFESTYLE andreputationI’ve builtformyselfatschool. Ifeelrealsorryforhim. Thecoolthingisthat Stevegave mehisextracellphoneso wecancall each
other incasewegetinasticky situation. I’mprobably goingtocallhimlike fiftytimestoday.
Well,heregoesanotherdayof CRAZINESS athumanmiddle school…
TUESDAY NIGHT
Todaywasthe worst dayofmylife. Man,Ithoughttherewasdramainbeinga Zombie.As soonasIgottoschooltoday,alltheother kidswerelookingat meand
sayingstufftoeachother. Iwantedtobefriendly,soIwentupto onekidto say, “Hi.” Hedid somethingwithhiseyesand walked away.
Ididn’tknow youcouldrollyoureyesintoyourheadlikethat…
Then whenIwaswalking toclass,Itrippedandaccidentally droppedmy bookson thefloor. Iwasstill gettingusedto walkingstraight. Iwent togopickmybooksup,butthen everybodystarted kickingthem
downthehallway. Somehow theyendedup inthe TOILET BOWL in theboy’sbathroom. Thegoodthingisthatnowtheyactuallysmell likemybooksbackhome.
Myfirstclasswas called “How toAnnihilate Mobs andEradicateThem From Existence.”
Itwas taughtbyaformerarmysergeantthatfoughtinthe previousZombie Apocalypse.
Hisnamewas MasterSergeantFuller B. Loney.SergeantLoney
AllIcantellyouisthat all through class Iwasshakinglikealeaf. He talkedabouthowto chop Zombiesintolittlebitswithapickaxe oraxe.
But, hesaid,thebestweapon isasword. You cancutoff armsandlegsreal easywithasword. Iwasabouttohurl inthemiddleof class. He saidwithcreepers,you need tobereallycareful. The bestassaultisto
knockthemintoothermobs sothat theycan BLOW UP thewholelot. Slimesareeasy,hesaid. Just lurethemintoalakeanddrownthem.Butskeletons aretheworst. Hesaid you’vegottoeitheruse TNT toblow upabunchofthem, orchopthemdowntosizewithasword.
Iblew outof classsofast,Ileft thedoor swingingbehindme. Right inthemiddleoftheschool hallway,Ihurled. Allofthe other kidsstartedlaughingatme,especiallywhenIslippedand
fellin my vomit. Iactuallydidn’t mind thevomit… Thelaughing,though,Ididn’t likeverymuch.helpedmeandtook me togetcleaned up. “Are youOK,Steve?” she said. “YouknowwhoIam?” “Steve,it’sme. Alex,” shesaid. “Youmust’ve hit yourheadharderthan I
thought.”Alex
“HiAlex,” Isaid.
Shetook some papertowels andstarted cleaningthevomit offmyfaceand clothes. Iaskedhertoleavealittleonmyshirtbecausethesmellremindedmeof
home. Shejustlookedat me… Confused. Well,afterallthat drama,Idecidedtogohomeearlyagain,today. Maybetomorrow I canmakeit through a WHOLE DAY ofhumanschool.
Iseriouslydoubt it…WEDNESDAY
Thevillagers Ilivewithlook prettysmartwiththeir longrobesandbig noses.
So,IthoughtI wouldaskthemwhatIcoulddotofit inat school. Oneofthevillagers toldmethat ifIwantto FIT IN, then Ineedtofinda groupof kidsthat likewhatIlike.
He saidthat’swhatallofthevillagers do. The Farmersstickwiththe Farmers,theLibrariansstickwith theLibrarians,theBlacksmithsstickwith theBlacksmiths, the Priestsstickwith thePriests,and the Butchersstick withtheButchers.
He saidthat theyallevendressthesame. Thatmade alotof sense,I thought. So,todayatlunchtime, Idecidedto finda groupof kidsthatlikewhatI
like. Theproblem wasthatthere were SO MANY GROUPS to choosefrom! Iwasthinking ofjoiningtheFOOT-BALLplayers. Buttheyweretoobig, andnotverysmart. Ithoughtaboutjoiningthegirls withthepaintedfaces. But theykeptdoing that “rollingyoureyes” thingthat reallycreeps meout.
theirpockets andstuff.Iknow,Ithought. I’lljointhe groupof Zombie kids! Iheardtheycalledthemselves “GOTHS.” Ididn’tknowwhatthat meant,butIknewtheliving dead whenIsawthem. That’sit!Ithought. That’sthegroupI’mgoingtobepartof.
Idecidedto sitatthetablewhere theZombiekidswereeatingtheirlunch. Oh,man. Ithought. Maybetheyhavesomecake! Butas soonasIsatdown,they all got up andmoved toanothertable. Idecidedto followthem. EverytimeIsatdown,theygot up. Kindofremindedmeof the
MUSICAL ZOMBIE CHAIRS game weplayathome.
Whentheyranoutoftables,oneoftheZombieGothkids stoppedmeand askedme, “Whyare youfollowingus?” “Iwanttobe aZombie,likeyou guys,” Isaid. Shejustlookedat me… Confused. “Zombies?Look,we’rejustexpressingourownindividualityand nonÂ
conformitytothenormsthatsociety istryingtoforceuponus.” NowI lookedather… Confused. “Doyou have anycake?” Isaid.Iguessthey didn’tlike cake.
Man,beinga kidinmiddleschool isreally confusing.
THURSDAYIonlyhadtwoclassestoday,soIthoughtgetting throughschoolshouldbe prettyeasy.
TodayIhadWarriorClassandHumanGymClass. WarriorClasswas prettyeasy, becausethey needed
STAND INS forthe Zombiesthat the warriorshad tobattle. SoI volunteered andpretendedtobe aZombieforthewholeclass. Thekids gave me alotof HIGH FIVES, becausetheysaidI wasreally realistic. Theteacherlookedat mewithaweird,worriedlook on his faceforsome reason,though. Afterlunch,wehadHumanGymClass. Itwas alotlikeMobGymClass. They hadagymteacher,acourt,andtheyplayedDodge Ball.Thegymteacher
Theonlydifference wasthatthe gymteacherherehad alotofextrameaton
him…especially aroundhismid-section. Aftergymclass,theysaidwehadtogotheLOKKERROOM,to get cleanedup.
Itwas the most HORRIFYING placeI hadever been. Seeingsomanyhumankidswithouttheirclothesonreallycreepedmeout. Ijustwasn’tusedtoseeingso muchflesh,withoutitbeingrotten. Whatreallycreeped meoutwaswhentheystartedtwirlingtheirtowelsand
snappingthemateachother. Allthekidsstartedturningbrightred,and swellinguplike BALLOONS. Woooooooh. Sodisturbing.Atthe endof Human Gymclass,IwassohappybecauseIfinallymadeit throughonefulldayofschool. IranintoAlexasIwas walkinghome. “You’re nottherealSteve,are you?” shesaid.
“Whatdoyou mean?He,he… Ofcourse I’mSteve. Stevethewarrior!” “Nope. You’re aZombie,andyou switchedbodieswithSteve,and you’re justactinglikehimfora fewweeks untilthe FULL MOON, soyoucan
“Wha… Howdidyouknow?”
“Stevecalledmeandtoldme,” shesaid. “Hethoughtyoumightneeda friendto show youtheropesonhow tofitin aroundhere.” GoodOle’ Steve,Ithought. “Plus,I couldtellyouweren’tSteve. Steveisoneofthe COOLEST kids atschool. You actlikeit’syourfirst dayinmiddleschool,” shesaid. What!Steveisonethecoolestkidsatschool?He nevertoldmethat. Man,Ican onlyimagine what kindoftroublehe’sgettingmeinto atmy
mobschool.
FRIDAYfrom Springbreakthis Sunday!
I’vebeensopreoccupiedwithfittinginathumanschool thatIforgotabout her. WhatamIgoingtotellher?Should I tellherthetruth,thatSteveandI
switchedbodies?What ifitscaresheraway? And,whatamIgoingtosaywhenIseeher? “Hi, Sally. My nameisSteve.
I’myournewhumanboyfriend. And I’mawarrior,andoneof the coolest kidsat myschool.” Who knows,maybe shemightlikeme more. Anyway,todayatschool,theyannouncedthattheyweregoing tohaveaweeks. PVPDeath Match! What’s that?!! Iaskedoneofthekidsinclasswhatit was. “It’swhenallofthekids atschoolplayeachotherinagame tothedeath.
KindalikeHunger Gamesbutinmiddleschool,” he said. Hunger Games?Battletothedeath?Man,whatdidI getmyself into? “Yeah, allofthekidsatschoolaretalkingaboutit. It’sthe biggestevent of
theyear,” he said.
Man,hetalksaboutitlikeifhe’s goingtoapartytobeat ATAS
or something.
Wow, humankidsaresoweird.SATURDAY
Today,IwenttogomeetSteveatourusualplace,buthewasn’tthere. Alex cameinstead. “HeyZombie,” shesaid. “Steve saidhewassorryhecouldn’tmakeit,but
hewentona campingtripwithyourMom, Dadand littlebrothertothe Swamp Biome. Hesoundedreallyexcitedtoo. Stevereallylovescamping.” Oh brother,I thought. Nowmyfamilyis going tototallyloveSteve. “Yeah, Stevetoldmethathe’shavingareally greattimebeing aZombie.
“Wha…?!!!”
“Ithinkit’sbecause he convincedthemtohavea bigDanceParty inafew weeks. Theyreallylikedthatidea.”
Mobsdancing? I didn’tevenknowthatmobsknewhow todance. I know I can’t.
“Stevewantedmetogiveyouamessage, too,” shepausedfora long minute. “Hesaid,yourfriendSallywas attackedbya SNOW GOLEM. He saidwhentheyfoundher,allthat wasleftofherwereher tonsils.”
“What?!!!!”
“Naw,justkidding. Stevesaid Sally’snotcominghome for afewmore weeksbecause sheandherfamilygot SNOWED IN attheSnowBiome.”
“Wow. That’s justcold,” Isaid.
SinceIcouldn’t askSteveaboutthePVPtournament, I decidedto askAlex aboutit. “Alex,Iwasgoing toaskSteve aboutthePVP Hunger GamesDeathMatch
Tournament. Whatintheworld isthat?”
“Oh,that. Yeah, that’s atournamentwhereallthekidsatschoolfighttothe death. Wehaveitevery year,” shesaid. “Huh?!!” “Yeah, we startoutwiththeentire groupof kidsat school,from6thgradeto
8thgrade. Thenwestart killingeachotheroffoneby one. Thepersonwho survivesisthe winner,” shesaid.
“What?!!” “Yeah, it’s alotof fun. I can’twait foritto behereinafew weeks,” she said.
Icouldn’tbelievemy newears. Thesekids arejustgoingtopick eachother off,onebyone,andshe saysit’sfun?
Man,Ineedtobe CAREFUL around thesehumans. Ithoughtaboutasking Alexwhatkindof attendanceproblemstheyhaveat schoolafterthetournament,butIdidn’t want tocauseanytrouble.
Wow, humanmiddleschoolisserioushostile territory.
SUNDAY
Ifinallygot achancetotalktoSteve,afterhegotbackfromcamping with
myfamily. ButIwas stillfeeling weirdthatmy Mom andDad askedhimtogo on a campingtriptotheSwampBiome.
“Howwas your CAMPING TRIP?” IaskedSteve sarcastically. “Whoa,what’sgottenunderyour skin?” “Nothing!I’mhumannow,remember!” Ishouted. “Zombie,what’s bothering you?” Steveasked. “I’m justmadthatallofasudden my MomandDad, my littlebrother,all
myfriends,and everyone atschoolthinksyou’re AWESOME, whileI’m
havingsuchahardtimetryingtofit inwithall thesecrazykids atschool!” “Actually, everybodyat yourmobschool thinksYOU’REawesome,” Steve said.
“Oh...Yeah... That’sright.” ThenI thought aboutwhat Stevejustsaid.
“Buthowdidyou get them tolike youso quick?I wasaZombiefor“Ithinkit’sbecause Ididn’ttrytogetthemto likeme. Ijusttriedtoreally gettoknow them. AsIgottoknowthembetter,it waseasytofind somethingthatwehad incommon,” hesaid withashrug.
“Oh…”
“Andthekidsinmymiddleschoolare justscared littlekidswho really want everyoneelseto likethem,” hesaid. “Iactuallyfeelsorryforthem sometimes.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Ithink what mostkidsinschoolarelookingforisafriend thatwill likethemnomatterwhat,” he said. “So,Itryto be FRN
like thatto everybodyat school. Afterdoingit forawhile,Iended up withalotof friends.”
“Wow,Ifeellikea realdummy.”
“Don’t worryaboutit.
Nexttime,justdon’t BEAT YOUR BRAINS OUT trying tofigure itout,” Steve said. Wow, IthoughtonlyZombiesdidthat.
“Thanks,Steve,” I said.
“Anytime,bro…” hesaid ashehobbledaway.MONDAY
TodayIfounda boxunderSteve’sbed. Itlookedlikehewas tryingtohideitfromthevillagershelivedwith. Itwas reallyfarbackunderthebed, but Iwasfinallyable topull itout. WhenIgotit outandopenedit,it wasfullof MAGAZINES. But, these weretheweirdestmagazinesIhadeverseen.
Themagazines were aboutmagicalponiesthatlikedtosingand dance.
Theponieswerethebestoffriends, andaslongastheywerefriends,they couldovercomeanything. I’mkinda WEIRDED OUT thatSteve hasthese. I’vegottoaskhim aboutthemwhenIseehim nexttime.
TUESDAYToday,oneofthevillagers Ilivewithsaidthatmybreath wasreallybad. Itoldhim howhappy Iwasforhimtosay that. He justlooked atme… Confused. Then IrememberedhoweverythinginSteve’sworldwas FEET
from my world. SoI wenttomyroomtobrushmyteeth. I’veonlyused atoothbrushonce,whenIwantedtogetbackatmy Mom for
making medirty my room. Butman,this timeIhadtobrush ten timesasmany teeth! By the timeI finished, Iwasexhausted. Ihadfunpickingmy noseand gettingallofthe BOOGERS OUT,
though.Ithink nosesareawesome,especiallythehairythings thatgrowoutof them. Ilikethembecause it’s easierto reachtheboogersthat getstuckinthere. Zombiesnormallyhavetodig realdeepto get boogersout,andit’salotof
work. Kindalikeminingfordiamonds.
Itried tostartaboogercollectionhere, liketheone Ihave athome.
ButIthinkthevillagers thought itwas grossandthrewthemaway.I’mstillhavingahardtimewiththe SHA-WUR,though. Ijustcan’tfigureoutwhattodowhenI’minthere. It’sreallyweirdbeing wet. Zombiesaren’tsupposedtogetwet. It’salsoreally weirdhaving towalkaroundin wetclothesall day.
Iwent downstairsandthe villagerswereeating theweirdestfood.
Ithink theycalleditOLD-MEAL. Kindagrossedmeoutbecauseitremindedmeof BRAINS. “Whatdoyou wantfor lunchtoday,Steve?” The villagerlady askedme. “Doyou have anyspidereyesandcake?They’remyfavorite!” Isaid. Thevillagerladyjustlookedat me… Confused. Then sheshowedmewhatshemadefor me forlunch. Itwas inaweirdcontainer thatwas separated insections. Ithinkshe called
itaBEN-TOElunch. Kind ofweird since itdidn’thaveany
TOES init. “Looks kindofweird. Can I fix itupabit?” Iasked. “Sure,” shesaid.
Then Irearranged everythingsothatitwouldlook abitmoreedible. “Nowthat’sbetter!” I said. Thevillagerladyjustlookedat me… Confused.WEDNESDAY
TodayIhadaclass thatwas supposedtoteachyoueverythingabout mining.
Ialways wanted toknowwhatStevedoesalldayinthesecaves.
Butallthesehumansever do isbangatthe wallwithafunny toolcalleda pickaxe.
Andalltheytalkaboutis, DIAMONDS,DIAMONDS,DIAMONDS.
Ilearnedwhy some peoplemineatnight.
Theteachersaidthatsomepeoplemineat night sotheycanhaveabetter chance atfindingdiamonds,andsothattheycankeepallthediamondsto themselves.
“Whydon’ttheyjustsharetheirdiamondswitheveryoneelse?” I askedthe teacher. “There’splenty ofdiamondsinthecavestogo around.”
Theteacherjust lookedatme… Confused.It’sreallystartingto creepmeout,though. InthemiddleofMiningclass,we heardasound.
“Quick,everyone! Getoutofthecaves! There’saZombiecoming!” the teachersaid. Aftereveryone left,Istuckaroundtosee whoit was. “Uuuurrrggghhh!” “Steve!” “Hey, Zombie. Whatchaupto?Uuuurrrrggghhhh!”
“Iwasjustin Miningclasswhen youcameby,” I said. “Yeah, thatclassisreallyboring,” hesaid. “Youknow,I can’tunderstand whypeopledon’tjust share all THE DIAMONDS theyfind with everyone else.”
“Sowhatareyou doing here?” I said. “Ireally lovescaringvillagersandminersandstuff,” he said. “I likeseeing thelookontheirfaces,andtheyusuallydrop reallycool stuff. Theother day,somelady droppedawhole cake. Itwasthebestdayever!”“Being aZombieislikethemostfunI’ve hadin along time!” Stevesaid.
“Idon’t have totakeabath;Idon’t havetobrushmyteeth; I canpickmy noseandeatmyboogerswithoutanyonecallingmegross,andIcanleave myroomas dirtyasIwantit.”
WOW.
IneverthoughtIhad itso good.
“Sowhenarewegoing to SWITCH BACK?” he asked. “Wha..?Youstill wanttoswitch back?Ithoughtyou were havingfun?” “Yeah, it’s funandall. Butit’slike goingon vacation. It’sfuntotake a
breakanddosomethingfun,buteventuallyyou’ve gottogohomeandget back towork,” hesaid.
Wow. Steveissodeep. No wondereverybodylikeshim. “Well,the SWAMP WITCH doesn’t appear for afewmoreweeks. So we need tokeepacting likeeachotheruntil then,” Isaid.
Allofasudden,weheardtheMining class teacherandtheclasscomingour way. “Well,I’llseeyou later,bro,” Stevesaidashedisappearedinto the caves.
Wow. IguessbeingaZombie isn’t sobad after all.THURSDAY
Afterclass,me andAlexmetbythelakeso shecouldhelp mepractice beingmorehuman. “So,Zombie, Iwantyouto REET
afterme,” shesaid. “Hi,mynameis Steve.” And thenshe stuck herhand out. “Hi,mynameis Steve,” Isaid,andIstuckmyhandout. “No,Zombie,usetheotherhand,” shesaid. “No,Zombie,usetheotherhand,” Isaid. “No,No,justthehand,” she said. “No,No,justthehand,” I said. “Uuuurrrgghhh!” she yelled. “That’s one’s easy!” I said. “UUUURRRGGHHH!”
Idon’tknowwhy, butshestartedturning red. Maybeitwassomething she ate.
“Let’strysomethingdifferent,” shesaid. “Whereareyoufrom?”
“Youknowthat’s agreatquestion,” Isaid. “I’vebeenasking myMomthat questionforalongtimenow,and shedoesn’tseemtogiveme astraight answer. MyfriendSkelee thinksZombies come from EGGS, but I…” “No,No,No. You’resupposedtobeSteve,remember?”
“Ohyeah. Sorry. Butwaitaminute. Where isStevefrom,anyway? Hesaid hejust appeared onedayinavillager’s bed.”
Alex,just lookedatme… Confused.
Again,withthe confusedlook!I justthought, ifa FLY passes byher face, herface isgoingtogetstucklikethatforever.
Well,wepracticedallafternoonuntilthesunstartedsetting.
As I walked home, all I couldthinkaboutwas whereSteveactually came from. Itmustbe reallyhardnotknowingwhoyourparentsare,orwhereyou
camefrom, I thought. Man,Ireally missmyMomandDadrightnow. Ieven missmy LITTLE BRAT BROTHER. Ihope meandStevecanswitchbacksoon.FRIDAY
TodayIdecidedtotryto bea friendtooneofthekidsatschool. Butboy,itwasalotharderthanI thought. The HARDEST PART wasjust gettingsomeoneto talkto me. As soonasIwalkedupto them,theykept doingthateye rollingthing,and
walkingaway.
IthoughtIwouldtrytomakefriendswith oneof thekidsontheFOOT-BALLteam. They were easytofind becausethey were reallybigand tall. SoI walked uptoagroup ofthemhanging out inthehallway. “Hi,mynameis Steve,” Isaid. “What’syours?” “Myname is NUNNAYORBIZ-NESS,” oneofthemsaid. That’saweird name,Ithought. “So…Nunnayorbizness?How’s itgoing?” “Whatsitooya?” another kidsaid. Wow, these kidshavegotsomestrangenames. “Whatgrade areyouin, Whatsittooya?” “WHYYAASKIN,” anotherboy said.
Man,doallthekids inthisschoolhaveweirdnames? “So,areyoupartof anycool clubs,Whyyaaskin?” “Whydooyoocare?” the lastkidsaid. Man,whateverhappenedto simplenameslikeSteve? “So…Whydooyoocare. Whatdoyou liketo dofor fun?” “Nunnayorbizness,” theyallsaid. Then theywalkedaway laughing. Wow, making friends inmiddleschoolis REALLY, REALLY hard…SATURDAY
Today,Alex cameover sothatwecouldkeeppracticingbeinghuman. ButIwas stillhaving ahard timewiththis “tryingto fitin” thing atschool. SoI thought maybeAlexcouldhelpmewithit.
“Alex,Ihaveaquestion for you.” “Sure. What’s buggingyou?” sheasked. “Nothing. Iwishitwas, though. Imissthosebugs… Butanyway,Iwanted
toaskyou, whyis itso hardtofit inatschool?” “Soundslikeyou’rehavingahardtime,” shesaid. “Hard?!! It’s impossible. Everybodyissodifferent. Andtheneverybody
makesmefeellikeIdon’tbelong anywhere. I justwanttobemyself, butI can’tbecauseI havetobeSteve. ButtheharderItryto beSteve,the more I keep making the DUMB MISTAKES Iusuallymake.”
“Sothemoreyou try tobeSteve,themoreyouendup actinglike yourself?” shesaid.
“Yeah… Iguess.” “Maybeifyoujustbeyourself,you’llendup beingmorelikeSteve,” she said.
Wow. IthoughtStevewas deep. Alexis prettydeeptoo.
“Zombie,who youareisnotwhoyouareontheoutside, it’s whoyou are onthe inside.”
“YoumeanI’m GUTS, ORGANS, AND ENTRAILS?” Isaid, confused.
“No,Zombie. That’sjust yourbody. Whoyouare iswhatis living inside yourbody.”
“Youmeanlikeslugs, maggots, andtapeworms?” Iasked.
“No,No. Whoyouareiswhat islivinginyour head.”
“You,know. Nowthatyou mentionit,Ihad anuncle thathadabird’snest inhishead…” Isaid.
“Forgetit,Zombie. ONE DAY, you’llunderstand.” Iwasgoingtoaskhermore questions,butshestartedturningredagain. SoI wenthome thinkingaboutwhatAlexsaid. “The moreyouareyourself, the more youwillbelike Steve.” Ididn’treallyunderstandwhatshemeantabouttheStevepart,butIthink
I’mgoingtostartbeing myoldZombieselffromnowon.
Look out OVERWORLD! HerecomesZombieSteve!SUNDAY
Thevillagers Ilivewithinvited metodinnertonightwiththe Priestthat runsthetown. They saidthat alloftheimportantvillagersinthe townwouldbethere. Ididn’tknow whatthatmeant. ButI saidyesanyway.
Ithought, thiswouldbethe PERFECT OPPORTUNITY forme tobe myZombieselfagain.
Sothe firstthingIdidwastomake sureIsmelled right. Therewas apigfarmerinthe village,soIdecidedtorollaroundwith the pigsfora littlewhile.
OnethingIloveaboutpigs isthat out ofallofthedifferentanimals,they
smell theclosest towhatZombies smell like. Imadesure torubsome COW PIES onme too, toaddabit more zestto themix.
Mybreathwasonly alittle stinkybecauseI didn’tbrushmyteeththis morning. So Idecidedto spice itupwith alittle helpfromsomestinky gym socksIwassavingforarainyday.
Myclothes didn’thaveenoughholesonthem,soI toreafewmore. Andwhatreally toppedit offwasa nice INFESTATION OF MAGGOTS inmyhair, ears,andclothes. Ihadabunchleftover,soI justkeptthe restin my pocketfor asnacklater.
Aaahhh. Ifeltlikemy old selfagain.
Ithought, “LookOutOverworld!LookOutvillagers!ZombieSteveis here!”
Igotlostonmyway tothePriest’shouse. So,Itriedtoask fordirections. Butpeople were justlookingatme withthat sameconfused lookontheir face,allovertown.
Iwonderifthere’ssomethingin THE WATER that’smakingthemlook likethat. Too much ofthatcan’tbegoodforyou,Ithought.
SoI finallyfound the Priest’s house, anditwasreally,reallybig. Ithink theysaidthatthePriest istheMayorofthe village,whateverthatmeans. It probablyjust meansyouhavea bighouse.
Iknockedand awaiter villageransweredthedoor. Again, hehadthat confusedlookonhisface. But thistime heran awayholdinghismouthlike hehadabug thatwastryingtogetout orsomething.
ThathappenstoZombieswheneverthe TAPEWORMS inourstomachs grow toobig. Whentheystartcomingout,Iliketoplaywiththemandact likeIhaveareallylongtongue.
Well,I wentin,andafterwalkingaroundfora fewminutes,Ifinallyfound thediningroom.
As soonasIwalkedin,I sawabunchof villagersin different coloredrobes.
Allofasudden,theirfaceschangedcolor. Oneladyturnedblue. Another manturnedpurple. Oneguyturnedreallywhite. Andanothervillager turnedgreen.
Itwas reallycool. I didn’tknowhumanscould CHANGE COLORS like that.
Whatwasevencoolerwashowthey madetheir facesmatchthecolorof theirrobes. What control!Ithought.
Isawanempty seatsoIsatdownin it. Itwas actuallytheseat rightnextto thePriestandhiswife. Ipulledmy handout ofmypockettoshakehands withthePriest’swife,butIforgotthatIhad apocketfullofmaggots.
“Oops. Sorryaboutthat. I forgotIhadsome EXTRA MAGGOTS in my pocket. Doesanybody want some?”
Next thingI know, everybodyat thetablestartspuking.
Whatwasreally coolwashowtheypuked oneright after theother, all aroundthe table. Itremindedmeof the Zombiewaveweusedtodowhen mydadwould takemetoZombiebaseball games.
Nowitstarted tofeel likehome.
Thevillagers Ilivewithwererunningalittlelate. Sowhentheygotthere, all oftheothervillagerswereeithersleepingon the table,underthetable, or onthe floor.
Iwasjusthavingfunmaking VOMIT ANGELS onthefloor,likeIdoat homewithmy Mom andDad. Therewasn’ttheusualamountof vomitthat we have whenweplay athome,butit wasstillcool.
Thevillagers’ eyesgotreal big andtheirmouths were hangingopen.
Then theystartedmakingafunny noise… “HURRRRR,HURRRRR, HURRRRR” wasalltheywouldsay.
“HURRRRR, HURRRRR,HURRRRR” was all theysaidon the wayhome, too.
Iguessthey musthavebeen REALLY SAD thattheymissed all the fun.
Ithoughtitwas areallynicedinner,ifyouaskme.
Alex calledmelaterandasked what happened. Shesaidthat halfofthe town washystericalbecauseofwhathappenedattheMayor’s house. ItoldherthatItook heradvice andthatI wasgoingto “bemyselfso I
couldbe more likeSteve.” Andit worked outgreat! AllIheardontheothersideofthe phonewas the sound, “DOH!” “Hey, Zombie…” she said. “Yeah, Alex?” “Nevermind…” shesaidas sheclosed the phone.
Wow, I’mfinally starting tofitin aroundhere. Sweet.MONDAY
Iwokeupthismorning,and there wasabucketfullofstuffnexttomybed. On thesideofthebucketwasa BIG SIGN that said, “USEME, PLEASE!!!” Insidethebucketwasa bunchofstuffIhadnever seenbefore. Therewas abottleofsomethingcalled SHAM-POO. Itsaidyou’re supposedtoputitonyourhair. AndIthoughtonlyZombies put pooin theirhair. Cool.
Therewas areallybigtoothbrush inthebucket. Itwassobig,I thought the personwhouses thisthing musthaveteethasbigasmyhead. Therewas A SIGN on itthatsaiditwas somethingcalleda SCRUBÂ
BRUSH.
Then therewasa tubeofsomethingcalled TOOF-PAYST,whichsaidit goeswithsomethingcalledMOUF-WASH. Therewas alsoabottle ofsomething calledLO-SHINthat lookedkinda
creamylikeMushroom stew. AndtherewasabigbarofSO-AP,whichI’ve already seenbefore.
Insidethebucketwere INSTRUCTIONS onhowtouse everything.
IthoughtIwouldreadtheinstructionswhileIgotintheSHA-WUR,to savetime.
Butthen the papermelted!
Man,whatwas I supposedtodowithallthis stuff now? Itried callingAlex,butforsomereasonthephone stopped working. Ithoughtmaybe I pressedthewrongbutton. But, itwas hardtoread the
numberswithall thatwatersprayingallover the place.
IguessIhaveto figureitoutbymyself,Ithought. So,Igotout oftheSHA-WUR,andgrabbed thebottleofSHAM-POO. Ipoured the WHOLE BOTTLE onmyhead. Ididn’tthinkitsmelled
likepooatall. But, Ifinallyrealizedwhy it’s somuchbettertobeaZombie,andnothave eyes.
Then IgrabbedthebrushandIputtheTOOF-PAYST onit. ButIhadthe hardest timetrying tofitthebrush IN MY MOUTH. Ithink thisbrushwas madeforsomebodylikeMutant. SoI keptpushinguntilIfinallygotitinmymouth. Ihadareallyhard timemovingit aroundthough.
Igrabbedthebottle ofMOUF-WASHandusedthe wholething. Goodthing Ihadit too. I wasreallythirsty.
ThebottleofLO-SHINsaid Ineededtouse itonmyhandsand my face.
SoI opened itupandpoureditallovermyface. Kind offelt likethe VOMIT BATHS Mom usedtogive mewhenIwas akid. Butitdidn’t smell asgood.
Ididn’tknow whattodowiththe bucket,soIjustputit on my head likeI sawsomeotherZombiesdo backhome.
Iwasactually prettyproudofmyself.
And,Iwas reallyexcitedto show thevillagershowgoodIlooked.WhenIcamedownstairs, all the villagersdropped whattheyweredoing. Then theystartedmakingthat funnynoiseagain.
“HUURRRRRRR…HUURRRRRRR…” Iwonderifthatsoundmeans thatthey’rereallyhappy.
COOL.
IranintoAlexonmywaytoschool,andshejust lookedatme… Confused. Shetook meby the hand andledmeallthewayto the back oftheschool. Shetook thebucketoffof my head andwalkedover towheretherewasaLARGE HOSE.
Allofasudden watercameoutofthehoseandhitmerightin the face.
“HEEEEYYYYYY!!!Why’dyoudothat?” IyelledasIstoodthere soakingwet. “Trust me. Itwasfor yourowngood,” shesaid. After, shedriedmewith abunchofpapertowels. “Wow,you smell reallynice,” shesaid. Ididn’tthinkso…
TUESDAY
Today,IrealizedthatifIdidn’twantto get killedduring the PVPHunger GamesDeathMatch Tournament,thenIneededto get ready. So,Idecided todosomeTreePunchingexercises. Hey,if Stevecanpunch atree,socanI. Ifoundatreenearbythatwas niceand thick andstrong. Iwastrying toremember whatSteve didwhenhepunchedtrees.Timetopunch some trees!
Ialways thought itwasthe weirdestthingto punchtrees. ButIwould alwayscatch Stevedoingit.
Ijustcouldn’t understandhowhedidit WITHOUT LOSING ANY FINGERS oranything.
Well,hereitgoes…
WHAAAMMM! “YYYEEEEEOOOOWWW!!!!!!” Man,that hurt! Imust’vedoneitwrong. Becauseithurtlikecrazy. MaybeI hititwiththe WRONG HAND. Letmetryagain… WHAAAMMM! “YYYEEEEEOOOOWWW!!!!!!” Uuuurrrgghhh!Whyis thisnotworking?!!! Maybethis isjusta dumbtree!Ibetif Ikickedit, it’llbreak… WHAAAMMM! “YYYEEEEEOOOOWWW!!!!!!” Uuuuurrrgghhh!OhMan,I thinkI brokemyfoot!
ThisremindedmeofwhenItookmy ZOMBIE KARATE test. Whatdidtheteachersayagain? “Goodworkusingyour head?” Well,whathaveIgottolose? WHAAAMMM! POP! Hey! Ididit! Atreeblockjustpoppedoutofthetree!
Well,I maynotbeabletopunchatree withmyhand,orkick itwithmy foot…
Butwhenthetimecomes,Icanalways BEAT MY HEAD againstatree untilIfigureitout.
But, oooohhh,myheadreallyhurts…WEDNESDAY
TodayIhadaclass thatwas supposedtoteachyouhowto survive duringa
ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE.
Itwas taughtbyMaster Sergeant FullerB. Loneyagain. Man,IhopeIcankeep ittogetherfor thisclass,I thought.
“Zombies aredumb,ugly andwalkrealslow,whichputsyouatan advantage,” hesaid. “And aslongas youfollow the rules Igiveyou, not onlycan yousurviveaZombieApocalypse,butyou canalso keep a Zombieas apetifyouwant to.”WHAT?!!!
“Rulenumber1… Build astrongshelterwhere youcangotoforthenight.”
Man,that won’twork,Ithought. Zombiescanbang downdoorsyouknow. Duh! “Rulenumber2… Makesureyougatherenoughfoodforthenight.” Yeah,causeifyoudon’twe’regoingto getyou! He,he… “Rulenumber3… MakeweaponsthatallowyoutokillZombies withthe
leastamountof STRIKES, likeanenchantedswordorenchantedbowand arrow.”
Huh… Youcando that? “Rulenumber4… BlockZombiesfromgettingintoyourshelterbyusing fences,slabs,andcarpets. Youcanget out,but theycan’t get in.”
Areyouserious?
“Rulenumber5… Trytotrick Zombiesinto goingintowater.”
Yeah,likethat’s goingtohappen…
“Rulenumber6… Set uptrapsaroundyourshelter thatwillcompletely ANNIHILATE anyZombies. Youcanusefire, lava,cactus,TNT,and sand blocksdroppingon theirhead.”
Man,theseguysareserious!
“Rulenumber7… Zombieshate wolves,sogetyourselfapack ofpet wolvestoprotectyouand yourshelter.”
IthoughtMomsaidIwasjustallergic tothosethings. Weird.
“Rulenumber8… Trytolurea Zombienexttotheedgeofacliff. Knock theZombieoffwithoneblowofyour sword,bowandarrow,oreven your hand.”OMG!
“Rulenumber9… Trytoknocka creeperintoa groupof Zombiesto do optimal damage. Ifyou canknockachargedcreeper intothem,evenbetter. Youcanputonthedropped Zombieheadsas camouflage, orjustuse itasa cooltrophytohangonyourwall.”
Ithink I’mgonna besick.
“Rulenumber10… KeeptheZombiesoccupied aslongas possibleuntil sunrise. Thenthey’llcatchonfireand youcanuse their ROTTEN FLESH asa quickbreakfast.”
BBBLLLEEEEECCCHHH!!!!!! Splat!
Somuch for keepingittogether…
THURSDAY
Today,Idecidedtomakefriendswith oneof thekidsthat seem tohangout BY THEMSELVES allofthetime. Ichosealittlefatkid,becauseI knewhe couldn’truntoo fast. Also,because hekinda reminded me ofSlimeybackhome.
“Whyareyou talkingtome?!!” hesaid. “Youlooklikeyou canusea friend,” I said. “Howdidyou know?” he asked. “Oh,justa guess… Mynameis Steve, bythe way,” Isaid. “Iknowyouwhoyouare. You’reone ofthecoolkids inschool. ButI
shouldn’t betalkingtoyou.” “Whatdoyou mean?” “The COOL KIDS don’tusually hang out withkidslikeme,” he said. “Whynot?” “Idon’t know.” Heshrugged. “Theyjust don’t.” “Thenhowdo youknowwewon’tgetalong?” Isaid. He juststoodthere… Confused. “Well,Iwon’t tell, ifyouwon’t,” Isaid.
He smiled. “What’syourname,anyway?” “Myname is ELI.” “It’sgoodtomeetyou,Eli.” “It’sgoodtomeetyoutoo,Steve.” “Hey, Eli. CanIaskyou something?” “Sure.” “Doyou have anycake?” Eli justlooked atme,again… Confused.
Wow, Imadea NEW FRIEND today!AndIdidit allbymyself.
Eli toldmethat helivedreallyclosetoSteve’shouse too. Actually,hetold mehe wasSteve’sneighbor. That’ssocool. ButIwas justreallyhappy I madeafriend.FRIDAY
Today,IplannedtomeetAlex after schoolsoIcouldtellher thegood news thatImadeafriendyesterday.
Shetoldme tomeetheronthe MOUNTAIN, behind the school. Shesaid ithada greatview.
So,afterschool,I followedthetrailupthemountaintomeetAlex.
IgotthereearlyandI tooka peekovertheedgeofthemountainto seehow highit was.
Whew! Thisisreally,reallyhigh. Iwouldhateto falldownthatthing,I thought.
Itried toleanover themountain toseeifIcouldsee THE BOTTOM. Allofasudden Alexsurprisedme. “HeyZombie!” Itwas sucha surprisethatIfell overthe mountain! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!Iyelledall thewaydown…SATURDAY
Iwokeupthismorning,inmybed,at thevillagers’ house. IcamedownstairsandAlex washavingbreakfastwiththe villagers. “HeySteve. Didyousleep well?” Alexasked,asshepointedwithher
fingerto meet heroutside. “Yeah, Idid,” Isaid. “ButI hadtheweirdest NIGHTMARE thatIfell offa mountain.” Thevillagers justlooked atme… Confused.
Iwalkedoutside tomeetAlex.
“Thatwasn’tadream, Zombie,” shesaid. “Youreally did falloffthe mountain.” “What?Thenhow comeI’mstillin ONE PIECE?” “Stevedidn’ttellyou?” sheasked,surprised. “Tellme what?” “Well,wheneverStevedies, hejust reappearsinhisbedinthevillager’s
house.” “Are youserious?” “Yeah. He diesallthetime. And BAM! Hejust appearsinhisbed.” “Can youdoit?” IaskedAlex.
“Surecan. ExceptItrynottodo ittoomuch. Imean,it takes somuchwork tryingto collectallmystuffagain.”
“Whatdoyou mean?” Iasked. “Well,whenyoudie,you leaveallyour stuff,” shesaid. “Thenyou’vegot toretraceyourstepstogofindyour stuff again. Andif youdon’tgetthere quickenough, somebody elsetakesyourstuff.”
Wow. Thisisawesome. SoIcandie, andthen justappearinmy bed?This isa DREAM COME TRUE! “Hey, Iwanttotrydying,” Isaid. “Really?Now?” “Yeah, let’sdoitrightnow. Maybeyoucanhitmeoverthehead. Oryou canthrowmeoffacliffagain. Oryoucan…” Next thing,Ihear, “Thwip!” “That’llworktoo,” I saidasIclutchedatthearrow inmyhead. Next thingI know, I’mwakingupinmy bed. “HA!This isawesome!” Iran DOWNSTAIRS, past thevillagersand theconfused looks ontheir faces, andoutsidetosee Alex. “That’s areallycooltrick!” Icouldhardly believeitworked. “Yeah. Itreallycomesin handyduring ourDeathMatchPVPtournaments,” shesaid. “Whichreminds me, we need tostartpracticingforthat. It’s coming uprealsoon.”
“Oooohhh!NowIgetit. DeathMatch,becauseifanyonedies,theywake
upintheirbed…Oooohhh!” “Yeah, well,it’scomingupsoon,andwewanttomake surewewin,” Alex said.
“Whatdoyou win?” “Youwin theright tobethe KING OF THE MOUNTAIN,” she said.
“Whichusuallymeansyou getalotofrespectatschool. MeandStevehave wonit for thepasttwo years, andthisyearwe’regoing tomakeitthree.” Wow. Alex is INTENSE, Ithought. Kindofalittle too intense for me. “Sogetsomerest,” Alexsaid. “Tomorrowwestarttraining.”SUNDAY
Alex cametomyhousebrightandearly thismorning.
I’mactuallystartingtolikethedaytime. Justnotthemorning. Ilike sleepingin. “Wake up, SLEEPY HEAD,” Alexsaid. “It’stimetostarttraining.” Igotupandmet heroutside.
“Comeon!” “Whereareyou takingme?” “I’m takingyouontheroadto victory,” shesaidwitha creepy lookonher
face.
Whenwegottotheotherside ofthemountain,Icouldnotbelieve my eyes… “Whoa…” Alex hadsetup the BIGGEST OBSTACLE courseI haveeverseen. “When didyousetthisup?” Iasked her. “Ididitall lastnightwhileyouweresleeping. ThisistherigmeandSteve
practiceon. Wecallit… TheGauntlet!”TheGauntlet
“Whoa…” “I’m goingtoteach youallofthe SECRET MOVES meandSteveuse to winthePVP HungerGames DeathMatch Tournament,” Alexsaid. “Gulp…” wasallIcouldsay. “So,areyouready?” “Ready…” I squeakedout.
“Well,firstthingyou need toknowisthatyourbestweaponsareyourbow, sword,andflint andsteel,” shesaid. “Youwanttogetyouropponents beforetheyevencomeclosetoyou. Withabowyoucan shoot themfrom FAR AWAY. Withtheflintandsteel,youcan set them onfireasthey chaseyou. Thenyoucanuseyourswordtofinishthemoff.”
“Whoa…”
“Makesureyouhavea goldenapple orsomecaketoreplenish your energy,” shesaid.
“Butmostimportantofall… Areyou payingattention?” Iguessshedidn’tlikemepickingmynoseand EATING BOOGERS whileshewas talking.
“The mostimportanttipofall…Themother ofalltips…Theone thing that willmakesurethatyou dominatethe PVPHungerGamesDeath Match everytime is…”
RIIINNNGGG! “Holdon,Zombie, myMomiscalling,” she saidto mebefore answering. IjuststoodtherelookingattheenormousGauntletthingthatwasstanding
infrontofme.
WhathaveIgottenmyselfinto?IbetI’mgoingto get killedlikethefirst minutethis PVPthingstarts. MaybeI shouldjustget killedon purpose, thatway I’lljustbeinmy bed
andwait untilit’sallover.
Butman,ifIdothat,Alexwillbebyherself. AndIknowSteve would neverditchherlike that. Also,if we don’twin,thatmeansIwould’veruinedSteve’s sociallife. Wow, talkaboutpressure.
“Zombie,I’msorry,butI’vegottogo. Thebabysittercan’tmakeit somy Mom saysIhavetogohomeandwatchmylittle brother.”
“Sure…” Atthis point,I’m notevenlisteningtoher. I’mjustthinking about the EPIC FAIL thiswholetournament isgoingtobe.
“Don’t worry,Zombie. Wegotthis. You’ll dogreat.”
Itried tosmileasshewalkedaway,butallIcould doisgivea SMIRK. Then Irealized,Iprobablyhavethatconfusedlook onmy face,don’tI?MONDAY
Todayallthekidsatschool were talkingabout theupcomingPVPHunger GamesDeathMatch Tournament.
They even hadpostersall around the schooltoremind everybody.Iheardsomekids talkingabout howeverybody ispickingteamstobeapart of.
They saidthat yousurvivelonger ifyouare partofateam. Andif you’renotpartof ateam,thenyouusually getkilledwithinthe first fewminutesofthegame.
Wow, I’mglad I’mwith Alex,I thought.
IranintoEliatschool,andIaskedhim ifhewaspartof anyteams.
“Naw,kidslikemeusuallygetkilledinthefirstfewminutesofthegame,” hesaid. “But,IsurewishthatIcould beona winningteamforonce.” “Whydon’tyoujoinmyteam?” IaskedEli. Eli wasreallypsychedaboutthatidea. So wasI. Alex,notsomuch…TUESDAY
MeandElimet Alex after schoolto startour training.
Alex pulledmetothesideandstarted telling HOW REALLY MAD she
wasat meforinvitingElito bepartof ourteam. “Zombie,how arewegoingtowinif we have todragEliwith us everywhere?” shesaid.
“Well,he’sneverbeen partofawinningteam,and I thought itwould be
great forhimtofeellikeawinnerforonce,” Isaid. Ithink Alex understoodthat Iwasn’t justtalkingaboutEli. Butitwouldbe awinforallofthekids inschoolthatfeel likelosers.
“Iguessit’s alright.” Shesighed. “Butthismeansthatwehavetotrain even harder.” “Sure,” Isaidwith hesitation. “I’m justgladwe haveour SECRET WEAPON.”
“What’sthesecret weapon?” Iasked. “I’lltellyoulater,” shesaid. “First weneed to FOCUS ON TRAINING. Remember,first we walk,thenwerun…”
TheonlythingIwasthinking aboutrunningfromisthis PVPTournament,I thought.
“Alex,Iheardthekidsat schooltalkingaboutgettingtogetherinteams,” I said. “But,I thought there isonlyonewinnerat the endofthegame.”
“Yeah, what theydoisget togetherin teamsto defeatallof theother players. Once theydothat,thenthey eitherturnoneachother,or they SACRIFICE themselvesandletoneoftheirteammateswin.”
“Whoa.”
“And, we’reupagainst some toughteamsthis year,too,” she said. “Thetwo toughestteamsare theJocks, whoarethe strongest,andthe Nerdswho are thesmartest. Alltherest oftheteamsgetannihilated inthefirstdayofthe Tournament. Bythesecondday,there areonlytwoteamsleft. Hopefullyit willbeus,and oneofthoseotherteams.”
“Andthat’swhenweuseour secretweapon,” sheadded.
“Whatsecretweapon?!!” Isaid FRANTICALLY.
“You’llsee,” shesaid… “You’llsee.”WEDNESDAY
Eli andImet withAlexafterschool againtodaysothatwecouldtrainfor thePVPTournament. Shemadeusrunthroughthe GAUNTLET over andoverandover. Itwas reallytough. ButIreallyfelt badforEli. Idon’tthinkhe’sever runaday inhislife.
Alex wasturningreallyred. RedderthanI’veeverseenherbefore. Whateversheatemustbereallymessingwithhernow. Inoticedsheturned themost redwhenElirantheGauntlet. Maybebeing aroundlittlefatkidsmakesher queasy.
Well,westopped training whenthesunstartedsetting.
IwalkedElihome. Actually,Icarriedhimhomebecausehecouldn’treally walk anymore.
WhenIgothome I calledStevetoseewhathewasupto. “I’m justpracticingmydance movesforthebig DANCE PARTY this Saturday,” he said. “Are youguysreallygoingtohaveadance party?” Iasked.
“We sureare,” he said. “All the guysare gettingreadytoo. Itaughtthem some movesthat Ithinkwillmakethemreally shine.”
Whoa. “Yeah. Skeleeisgoingto dotheRobot, andSlimey ispracticinghis SQUARE DANCING,” hesaid.
“Whatabout Creepy?” Iasked. “IthinkCreepysaidhe’sgonna do some breakdancing,” Steve said. Idon’tknowhowIfeltaboutthat.
“Hey, Steve. Ifoundoutthat the FULL MOON isonSaturday,” Isaid. “Soweneedto beinthemiddleof theSwamp Biomebythen. Then we can findtheSwampWitch soshe canturn usbackto normal.”
“Yeah, IcanheadoutaftertheDancePartyandmeetyou over there,” Steve said.
“Soundsgreat,” I said.
“How’s itgoingpreparingforthePVPTournament?” Steveasked.
“It’sgoinggreat!Wejust pickedupanotherteammate. Hisname isEli. He’sactually yourneighbor.” “Youmeanthe littlefatkidthatlives nextdoor? Doesn’thealwaysget
killedinthe firstfew minutesofthe tournament?” “Yeah, but he’sreally determinedtowinthis year.”
“OK,cool. Don’tforgetto useoursecretweapon forwinningthe tournament,” he said.
“Whatsecretweapon?” “Oh,it’sreallygood,” Stevesaid. “It’s what reallyhelpedus DOMINATE all oftheotherteamsthepastfewyears. As longasyouuse thesecret weapon, youcan’tlose.”
“Well,whatisit?!!!”
“Out ofallthethings youdo, nomatterwhatthesituation,and nomatter whoyou’reupagainst,youjusthaveto,absolutely,make sureyou—” Click. Oh man,myphone died!Uuuurrrgghhh!Whydoesthiskeephappening?!! Man,thesamethinghappenedtomewhenIwasinthe SHA-WURthis
morning!
Ijusthaveto makesurethatthefirstthingI dotomorrowisaskAlexabout thesecretweapon.
Otherwisewe’redead.THURSDAY
Ididn’tsee Alex atschool all day. MeandElimet up attheGauntletafterschool,butAlexwasn’tthereeither. Itried callingher onmy CELLPHONE, but for somereasonshe didn’t
answer. But, thenInoticed thatIhadamessageonmyphone. Iplayed itback, anditwasAlex leaving meamessage. Iputitonspeakersothatme andElicouldhearittogether. “HeyZombie, it’smeAlex. Well,I’vegotsomebad news. Itseemsthat my littlebrothercaughtthe
CHICKEN POX, andnow Ihaveittoo. MyMomtook me totheDoctor,andaftercheckingme,hetoldmyMom
thatIhaveto stayoutofschool for thenextfewweeks. TheDoctor says thatI’mcontagiousanddoesn’twantme togiveitto everybodyatschool. So,I’m reallysorry,butthismeansI’mgoingtohavetomissthePVP
Tournament.
Butdon’tworry. JustrememberwhatI’mabout totellyou, andyouand Eli willdojustfine. Thesingle,mostimportantthingyouneedtorememberto WIN the
tournament,nomatter what situationyouare in,andnomatterwhoyou’re upagainst—themost important thingyouneedtodois…”
Click. Uuuurrrggghhh!Ithappenedagain!This phoneissuchapain! “Eli,canI useyour phoneto callAlex?” “Idon’t have acellphone,” hesaid. Oh,man. Nowwehave NO WAY of callingAlexorSteve,andthe
Tournament istomorrow!URGH!The phone!
“So,what arewegoingtodo?” Eli asked.
“Idon’t know, Eli...”
AtthatmomentIhad todecideif I wasgoingtoquit,andletSteve,Alex andElidown,or ifIwas goingtostickit out andfight. AllIknewwas that whatever I decided,itwas goingtodetermine thekindofperson, Zombie or human,that I wasgoingtobefortherestofmymiddle SCHOOL LIFE.
Man,thisisjusttoomuchpressureforatwelveyearoldZombieto handle.FRIDAY
Well,today I’meithergoingtohaveabigvictory,orI’mgoingtowakeup inmybed inuttershame.
Itried callingEliinthemorning togivehima PEP TALK, butmy cellphonewastotallydead.
Eli toldmeit wasprobably all ofthosecallsthatI madewhileIwas inthe SHA-WUR.
IjustthinkStevegavemea reallybadphone.
SoI finishedgetting readyandwenttoschooltofacemydestiny.
Atschoolthey pickedusin up inbusesand tookusto the fieldwherewe were goingtohavethetournament. Thisis mylast JOURNAL ENTRY…unlessImakeitbackfromthe
battlefield. WillI make ittilltomorrow? I don’tknow. ButIdecidedthatIwouldgiveitmybest. Ifnotforme,thenforSteveand
Alex andmynew friendEli. Andwhether Iwinorlose,live ordie,Iwill atleastknowthat Iwas
COURAGEOUS enoughtoface whatever challengesmytwelveyearold lifedishedout tome. Bringit!FRIDAY NIGHT
Ican’tbelievewesurvivedthefirstdayofthe tournament! Iwassurethatwewouldbe annihilatedinthefirst fewminutes. Buttherewewere,withalloftheotherkids, waiting for the HORN TO
BLOW.
Onceitdid,meand Eli ranas hardaswecouldtothefirstchestofitems. Luckyforus,therewasa swordanda bowand arrowinside. So,insteadofcollectingitems,wejustattacked everyperson thatwesaw.
Whichwaskindofhardbecauseour eyeswereclosedmostofthe time. BeforeI knewit,wecollectedso manysuppliesfromthepeoplewe
attackedthat we hadallof thesuppliesweneededtolastthroughoutthe game. TheJockswere FIERCELY annihilating mostoftheotherteams. TheNerds were blowingup all ofthemainpeoplethey thought wouldbe
important inhelpingtheotherteamstowin. Withoutleaders, alloftheother kids SCATTERED, whichmadeiteasytopick themoff. Then Eli cameupwiththe bestideaever. “HeySteve,” hesaid. “Sincewehavesomanysupplies,why don’twejust hideoutuntilallof theotherteamsdestroyeachother?Thenwecanjust comeoutandbereadyfor tomorrow.” Itwas the smartestthingIeverheard.
Some andElijustcamped out ontop ofa reallytalltree,andwejustwaited till alloftheotherteams destroyed each other.
Everynow andthen someonewouldtrytoclimb ourtree,butEliwould just shoot them downwithhis BOW AND ARROW.
Atthe endof thenight,theyannouncedall ofthepeoplethat were leftin thetournament. Andtheonly onesleft weremeandEliand twoof the membersoftheJock’s team.
Wedidit!
Nowallwehavetodoistogetthroughtomorrow. Gulp.
SATURDAY MORNING
Idon’tknowhowwedidit,butwemade itthroughto today.
Eli askedmeareallystrangequestionlastnight,andI wasthinkingabout it all night. “HeySteve,” hesaid. “If we’rethe LAST ONES, doesn’tthat meanone
ofushastodieifthe other personis goingtowin?” “Iguessso,” I said. “I justneverexpectedus tomakeitthisfar.” “Yeah. Iguessso too,” hesaid. Ifwedowin,Ithought,I’m probablygoingtoletEliwin. Iknowthat’s
what Stevewoulddo. Alex,notsomuch… So,we’re goingtoclimb downthetreenow. Who knowswhat’s waiting for usdown there. Butno matterwhathappens,atleastI’llhaveareally GOOD STORY to
tellall myfriends back home.SATURDAY NIGHT
Here Iam, lying inmybed,justthinkingaboutallthat happened today. Istillcan’tbelievethe waythings turnedout.
Who would’vethoughtthataftergetting down from thattree thatthings could’vegonethewaythey did?
It’salmostliketheJocksknewwhatweweregoingtodobefore we didit.
They were justwaitingforusatthebottomofthattree, readyto attackus andsendustoourcomfortablebeds,whiletheyenjoyedtheir SWEET VICTORY.
ButIdon’tthinktheywerereadyforwhatEliwasgoingto do. Thatsmall,chubbykidmade me soproud. Imean,Idon’tknowwhatcameoverhim. But all ofa suddenhebecame a
PVPHungerGamesDeath MatchTournamentMaster. With justoneshot,hewasabletobouncehisarrowoffatree andhitoneof theJockshidingbehindatree. That causedthatJock toshoothisbowand
arrowat arock,anditbounced offto hit the other Jockhidingbehind a bush. Theweirdest partwas thatElididit withhiseyesclosed… Man,hemusthave asixthsenseor something.
Sothere we were. JustmeandEli. Celebratingourvictory.
Butthen ithitus… Onlyoneofuscouldgohomewith THE TROPHY.
Iknewthatit wastimeformeto reallyshowhow muchIappreciatedmy short,chubbyfriend.
Plus,thiswas Eli’smoment toshine,notmine.
So,ItoldElitopickuphisbowandarrowand winthistournamentforthe bothofus.
Eli,wasso happy. But,hewassadatthesametime. He raisedhisbowandarrow andaimeditatme. Iclosedmy eyes,andwaitedtowakeup inmybedatthe villagers’ house. But, itwas KIND OF WEIRD whennothinghappened. Iopenedoneeye topeekat what wasgoingon. Eliwasstanding therewith
his bowand arrowpulledback,aimingat me,but withhiseyesclosed. Then,allofasudden,hepointedthebow andarrowinto theskyandshot. Thearrow bouncedoffatreeagain,thenbouncedoffarock, andthen
bouncedoffanother treeand hithiminstead!
As I think aboutitnow, IrealizethatElitaught mesomethingreally important today.
He taughtmewhatthereal, TRUE MEANING of friendshipis.
He taughtmethatitdoesn’tmatterhow youlook,orwhatyousay orwhat youdo. But, whatreallymattersisthatyoucare.
AndElicared more thananyoneIhaveevermet.
I’mgonnamissthatkid.
But, thenIrememberedthatI hadtomeetSteve attheSwampBiome. SincetheSwampBiome iscloserto MY VILLAGE, I pickedupthebow andarrowandshotatatreelikeElidid. Next thingI know, I’min my bed. Andnow, Ineedtogotalk toa witch aboutgetting mytwelve yearold Zombielifeback…REALLY LATE SATURDAY NIGHT
ImadeittotheSwampBiome andIfoundSteve sittingoutsideof the Witch’shut. Skelee,Slimey,andCreepywerealltheretoo. “Heyfellas!” “Zombie!!!” theyyelled. “Man, it’s good toseeyou,” Skeleesaid.
“Whatwasitlike livingwiththe humans?” Slimey asked. “Is ittrue theyteachyoutoknockcreepers intoZombiestoblowthemup?” Creepy asked.
“It’sgreattoseeyou guystoo. Butrightnow, meandSteveneedtogotalk
toa witch,” Isaid. “HeySteve,weneedtowatchoutforthiswitch. Iforgotto tellyouthat she hasa CRAVING forrottenflesh.”
“Don’t worryaboutme,” he said. “Ifshewants rottenflesh, I’ll giveher
somethingtochew on.” Heshookhisfist. MeandStevelookat each other andgive each other anodthatwewere ready.
Weknocked onthedoorofthe WITCH’S HOUSE, readyforwhatever wasgoingtocomeoutofthatdoor. “I’llbethereinoneminute,” sheanswered inareallyweirdvoice.
Then sheopenedthedoor.MeandStevewereblownaway. Shedidn’t looklike anyof theotherwitchesI’ve everseenbefore. “Hello,comein, I’vebeenexpectingyou,” shesaid. “Youhave?” meandStevesaid together. “Yes,afteryour talkwith thewitchin yourneighborhood,shegavemea
callandtoldmeyouwouldbe coming. I prepareda potionthat canturn Steveintoa humanagain.”
“Butaren’tyou supposedtocraverotten fleshorsomething?” I said. “Oh,no. Thosearejust storiestheotherwitchessay aboutme,” she said. “They’re allsojealous.”
“Whatabout Zombie?” Steveasked. “Canyou TURN HIM back intoa Zombie?” “Unfortunately,thereis nopotionforthat,” thewitchsaid.
SteveandIbothlookedateachother,reallysad. “There’snopotion for that,becauseallyou havetodototurnahumaninto aZombieis tobite them,” sheadded. “Don’tyou boyseverwatch the movies?”
“That’s it?!!” Isaid,notbelievingwhatIjust heard. “We could’vedonethat weeksago.”
Then whileI’mtalking,Stevetakesmyhandandbitesit. Allofasudden,Istartfeeling QUEASY and dizzy andthewhole room starts tospin.
Ifallto theground andstart toshake. Then after awhile,myheadhitsthegroundand everythinggoesblack.
Next thingI know, Steveandtheotherguysareslappingmein the faceto wakemeup. “OW!Thathurts!” Isaid. “Hey,diditwork?” “Lookinthemirror,” Stevesaid. Ilookinthemirror, andthereIam…aZombieagain! I’mso happyIstartjumping UP AND DOWN.
Then mybody parts starttofalloffagain,just likebefore. Whichmade me even more happy.
“Nowit’syourturn,Steve,” the witchsaid. Stevetook THE POTION from the witchanddrank it. Allofasudden Stevestarted toglowandshake. Andjustlike thathegrew all ofhisskin andhair back. Alloftheholesinhisskull,faceand body startedtofillin. Hegrewbackhiseyes,nose,andears. Hestraightenedup from his crookedposture, andhestarted breathing again!
“Alright!I’mback!” Hesaid. We’resohappythatwestarted tocelebrate. Thewitchinvitedusall tostayforsome SNACKS beforeweleft for
home. “Rottenflesh meatballs anyone?” shesays. Wealljustlookateachother… Confused.SUNDAY
Well,I woke up thiseveningin myownZombiebed.
Myroomhadthe NICE AROMA ofrottingfleshandsmellysocksagain.
Mybooger collectionisrightwhere Ileftit. Thoughnow,it’sabitemptier thankstoSteve. AndI’m back tomytwelveyearoldZombielifeagain.
But, I’madifferentZombienow.
Beinghuman taughtmethat it’snotwhatyouareontheoutsidethat matters,but whatyouareontheinsidethatcounts.
AndI’m not talkingabout slugs,maggots,ortapewormseither.
Butmost ofall,thanks toEli,Steveand Alex,the BIGGEST LESSON I learnedwasthat fittingin isnotimportant,as longasyouare willingtocare for otherpeople aroundyou. Though theymayrejectyou,aslongasyou keep ongiving, you’llhaveallthefriends youwilleverneedinyour middle schoollife.
Stevesaidhelearnedsomelessonstoo.
He even toldmehowproudhewasofmeforwinning the PVPTournament for him. “Wayto go using the secretweapon!” hesaid. Whatsecretweapon?!!Ithought.
ButIthinkforSteve,thewhole experiencewasajusta really COOL BREAK fromhisnormallifeofpunching trees andPVP DeathMatch Tournaments.
Imean,it’snoteveryday yougetto beaZombieandhangoutwithsomeof thecrazyMobsfromMinecraft.
Steveandtheguyssent me somepicsfromtheirDance Partytoo. I’mgoing tokeepthemin myJournalsothatI’llneverforget.
Naw,I’mreallykeepingthembecause Iwanttolearnthose DANCE MOVES.Skelee’sawesomedance moves!
ButI’mgladthatit’sallover. AndI’m sogladthatschoolisalmostovertoo.
Injust afewshortweeks, summerbreakwill behere.
Whichmeansmorefunand more adventureswill be waiting for meandmy pals. AllIcansay isthatI can’twait tillitgetshere. CauseI’mgonnabe ready…
BRING IT!FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!
SUMMER SCARE-CATION IS ALMOST HERE and Zombie just
can’twait!
However,there arestillafew gruelling weeks ofMob Schoolleft. How much gross trouble canZombiegetinto injustafewweeks? A LOT MORE THAN YOU WOULD EXPECT!